Past Due

Today should have been my second day in DC in part of my Institute of Political Journalism program (IPJ), but I'm still back home.

Two days before my takeoff, my family and I discovered my aunt had died at her home.

The shock, terror and distraught was almost too much to handle; once again I came to a point in my life where I so badly wanted my reality to be a dream. A dream I could wake up from and no longer attach to my existence. But it was real, it was my life.

I asked myself was I even prepared to what awaited me once I got to my aunt's house. Are you okay?

I was already stressed enough preparing for a nine week program that involved me interning from 9-5 during the week, taking classes for 3 hours, and ending my weekdays at 9 & 10 (maybe even later).

Then the bomb dropped.

My aunt died two days before I am suppose to leave.

My aunt? She was almost like my diary. I called when I was stressed, happy, or just wanting to share what was going on in my life--especially when I was away at school.

That part hit me today. Once school starts back up, I will have no one to call. Yes I have more family and friends, but you know that one person that you're just relieved to talk to--yea that was her.

Boy troubles? Called. School troubles? Called. Family troubles? Called. Thanks for the ear.

Then I had to face whether I was going to continue with IPJ or too overwhelm to do anything. I knew she would want me to go. See my aunt was a huge factor in why I even decided to continue on with the program and take on the opportunities that awaited. I guess you can say she saved me from a boring summer, her and my sister.

I have to continually tell myself to spend money on what really matters.

Missing a funeral is regrettable but missing an event (or anything) that the person who you're grieving wanted you to take part in is worse. I knew if I continued on with the program not only will I be a hot-unfocused mess but the guilt of missing her funeral would consume my whole being.

Think.............

Plane tickets are a bitch. I'm just going to be honest. Trying to make last minute/sudden changes was going to cost me nearly $1,000. Where's the sympathy. I had to stop. I couldn't look anymore, had to sleep on it and start back again tomorrow.

Tuesday came.

My God was sleep hell. Images, sounds and emotions stayed on repeat all day....all night.....every time I closed my eyes. However, I slept and sleep is good.

I was able to make some other travel arrangements and I'm content. Do I feel our society/economy needs to be more sympathetic to deaths. YES. I don't care whether people use death as an excuse or not, people do really go about their day as normal and get the shocking news that someone has passed, lets stop letting money control us.

Long story short, I am leaving Sunday and will be arriving to DC on Monday.